Moving a parent with dementia to assisted living or memory care takes careful planning. A smoother transition starts with preparing early, preserving familiar routines, and planning for difficult moments before, during, and after moving day.

If you are unsure what level of support may be appropriate, call Abbey Manor at 410-620-4126 to discuss your parent’s needs and next steps.

Determine What Level of Support Your Parent Needs

Does your parent need help with medications, bathing, dressing, meals, mobility, or supervision? Wandering, falls, missed medications, increasing confusion, or difficulty staying safely alone can also signal a need for more support.

Assisted living may be a good fit when your parent needs regular help while maintaining some independence. Memory care may be more appropriate when dementia-related changes create a greater need for structure and supervision.

Complete Medical and Admission Paperwork Early

Do not leave medical and admission paperwork until moving day. Before the move, gather your parent’s current medication list, diagnoses, allergy information, health history, and any legal or medical documents that may be relevant to their care.

Admission requirements can vary depending on your parent’s health and level of support, so it is better to confirm what is needed before moving day rather than trying to sort everything out at arrival.

Call Abbey Manor at 410-620-4126 before the move, and we can explain what information and paperwork you should prepare for your parent’s admission.

Offer Small, Manageable Choices

Instead of asking, “What do you want to bring?” offer one or two choices:

• “Would you like the blue quilt or the green blanket?”
• “Do you want to wear the red sweater or the blue sweater?”

Small choices can preserve involvement without creating decision overload.

Use short, calm explanations and avoid arguing when your parent remembers events differently. The National Institute on Aging recommends calm communication, familiar routines, reduced noise and clutter, and familiar objects when agitation or sundowning is a concern.

If your parent becomes upset, acknowledge the feeling and redirect toward something familiar. If conversations consistently cause significant distress, ask your parent’s health care professional for guidance.

Before moving day, tell us about your parent’s routines, communication preferences, anxiety triggers, calming strategies, mobility needs, medications, and relevant health information. We assess your parent’s needs before admission so we can develop an individualized care plan.

Schedule a tour of Abbey Manor to see our setting and discuss what your parent may need during the transition.

Bring familiar belongings such as family photos, a favorite blanket, meaningful décor, or a favorite chair if space allows. You can personalize our private rooms with familiar furniture and belongings.

Pack in a Way That Minimizes Distress

Seeing belongings disappear into boxes may be upsetting. If packing increases anxiety, consider doing most of it while your parent is with a trusted relative or friend.

If you need to pack while your parent is home, work gradually, keep boxes outside the immediate living area when possible, and leave familiar everyday items in place until close to moving day.

Before Leaving Home

• Confirm the move-in time and admission requirements.
• Confirm medications and pharmacy arrangements.
• Bring identification and health information.
• Pack labeled clothing and essentials.
• Bring one or two familiar comfort items.
• Choose a move-in time that fits your parent’s usual routine. Earlier in the day may work better if your parent is typically more rested and alert in the morning or experiences increased confusion later in the day. Consider when your parent is usually calmest, and contact Abbey Manor if you would like help planning an appropriate arrival time.

If Your Parent Refuses to Leave

Avoid arguing or physically forcing the transition. If resistance increases, stop pushing for the moment. Give your parent some space, then return calmly and focus on one immediate action.

Try, “Let’s get your coat on,” or, “Would you like to bring your blue sweater?” Familiar music, a drink, or photographs may also reduce pressure.

If resistance continues, contact us and your parent’s health care professional for guidance. Seek emergency help only for an immediate medical or safety emergency.

During the Car Ride

Keep the trip calm and unhurried. If your parent may become anxious, consider having two adults travel together so one can drive while the other stays with your parent.

If your parent asks where you are going, keep the answer brief and truthful:

“We’re going to Abbey Manor. They’re expecting us and will help us get settled.”

If the question comes up again, repeat the same explanation and redirect toward familiar music, scenery, or simple conversation.

Alzheimer’s Society guidance for traveling with dementia recommends planning when agitation or vehicle safety may be a concern. If your parent has previously tried to open doors or remove a seat belt while the car is moving, consider appropriate rear-door safety features or alternative transportation before moving day.

If your parent refuses to get out after arriving, do not physically force them. Contact us and ask whether we can help make the arrival less abrupt.

When It Is Time to Leave

A long goodbye may increase distress. Before moving day, ask us how we can support your departure.

We may be able to engage your parent with a meal or activity while you leave. Once your parent is comfortable and occupied, keep your departure brief.

Expect the First Few Days to Be Emotional

You may feel guilt, grief, anxiety, relief, or several emotions at once. Those feelings can coexist after a major transition.

Before you leave, decide how and when you will check in. If possible, spend time with a family member or friend afterward rather than carrying the day alone.

A difficult first day or repeated request to go home does not automatically mean the move has failed. The Alzheimer’s Association notes that changing care settings can temporarily increase confusion.

Ask About Visits During the Initial Adjustment

Ask us whether certain visit times or lengths may better support your parent’s adjustment. Watch how your parent responds, then adjust accordingly.

Handle “I Want to Go Home” Calls Calmly

You do not need to debate the move during every call. Respond to the feeling first:

“I know you miss home. That sounds really hard. You’re safe, and I’m thinking about you.”

Then redirect toward something immediate, such as lunch, family photos, or an activity. The Alzheimer’s Association recommends responding to the emotion behind repeated questions rather than continually correcting the person.

If frequent calls become distressing, contact us to ask how your parent is doing between calls.

Moving a parent with dementia rarely follows a perfect plan. Your parent may resist packing, become anxious during the drive, struggle with goodbye, or need time to adjust. Preparing ahead can help you respond calmly instead of trying to solve everything in the middle of moving day.

At Abbey Manor, we can help you understand our assisted living and memory care options, prepare for admission, and discuss your parent’s routines and needs before the move.

Call us today at 410-620-4126 or schedule a tour of Abbey Manor to see our private rooms, learn more about our approach, and start planning your parent’s transition.

• National Institute on Aging. (n.d.). Coping with agitation, aggression, and sundowning in Alzheimer’s disease. National Institutes of Health. National Institute on Aging
• Alzheimer’s Association. (n.d.). Changing care providers. Alzheimer’s Association
• Alzheimer’s Association. (n.d.). Repetition. Alzheimer’s Association
• Alzheimer’s Society. (n.d.). Transport and travelling tips when someone has dementia. Alzheimer’s Society